November 4, 2024
Kids are pretty dumb. Well, I guess that's not exactly correct. Kids are pretty ignorant. I don't mean that in some sort of insulting way, but rather the actual definition of the word. Kids just don't know much yet. They're learning things every day, but there's plenty they just haven't yet encountered, so they have no reasonable way of knowing them.
Look back to when you were a kid. I bet you did loads of stupid shit. Or rather, shit that seems stupid when you look at it in hindsight. There's some kind of Mcnamara-esque fog of war when you're a kid. You just sort of do things that feel right without thinking about much else. Like I remember when I was a kid I used to eat shitloads of snow and icicles (I grew up in Minnesota). Seemed pretty reasonable at the time. I was hydrating in a fun new way (or something). Nowadays, however, I know snow forms around a particle so is inherently dirty. And icicles drip off rarely cleaned roofs. That stuff isn't clean, man! But kids don't know that. There's a piece of knowledge missing in the "think of doing something -> [reason not to do something] -> do it" action chain.
What's my point in saying this? It's pretty uncontroversial and obvious that kids don't know shit. I think I just want to point out the common ground we all start with. If you encounter (online or in real life) a celebrity or someone powerful, they may seem special now, but they were also once a dumb ol' kid. They, too, once thought it would be a great idea to slap their desk like a pair of bongos or something. It's just kind of a funny / interesting observation to me. But there's a little more here that I'm interested in diving into further.
I mentioned this action chain that I just pulled out of my ass earlier: "think of doing something -> [reason not to do something] -> do it", but I think it actually looks a bit different: "[idea generator] -> think of doing something -> [action inhibitor] -> do it". Basically, there's some areas that are pretty obvious when you look at an action. Someone will think of something to do, then they'll do it. Instead, however, it seems like there's more complexity to how an idea is formed and what makes someone do something with that idea or not. I think how you fill those in can have a huge impact on how a person operates.
First, the [idea generator]. I don't know what the hell to call this, so I made that term up. This basically refers to how someone is capable of generating the idea to do something, and also what sorts of ideas that person generates. This is super important. If your [idea generator] isn't generating ideas, you're kind of stuck or uninspired. Maybe you'll feel like you don't know what to do. I think it's possible for someone's idea generator to be on the fritz and temporarily not working (writer's block?), but it's also possible for it to just not work well at all in the first place.
I view the [idea generator] as a kind of muscle (maybe, mind glutes). This is an important distinction over a machine or something similar. A machine is either working or not working, no in between. A muscle, however, can be weak or strong. Your [idea generator] might be stronger than someone else's, meaning it makes a lot of ideas, or maybe a few really good ones instead (or maybe both). But, if you never exercise your [idea generator], it's harder for it to be strong, and you probably won't have so many good ideas. Some of those good ideas may hold the ability to change your life in meaningful ways, so I view them as super important!
Coming up with ideas may not be the only way or the best way to strengthen your [idea generator], either. I actually think it's probably important to not only come up with those ideas, but also try them out! If you get to see the results of your ideas, both good and bad, you can use those to generate feedback for your [idea generator], and fine-tune its use for future ideas. This is like improving muscle balance or finesse or something.
So, how's this related to kids? Well, when you're a kid, you have the most opportunity to develop your [idea generator]. If you strengthen it by coming up with ideas, you can do that as a kid or as an adult. But, actually executing on those ideas is actually usually harder when you're an adult. Sure, you have more freedom physically and parentally as an adult, but your social freedom is much more restricted. That is, people are so much more likely to judge you for doing something they've deemed silly, stupid, pointless, or frivolous. When you're a kid, you're kinda supposed to do dumb shit. People pretty much expect it. The idea of something restricting your ideas actually ties into the next variable.
I think everyone's got one of these. You know, it's the thing that tells you it's a very bad idea to jump off that cliff or tell that person their hair looks bad. Like, this thing is singlehandedly responsible for ensuring you don't do a lot of stupid shit. Unfortunately, it can also stop you from doing shit that might be good to do, like talking to a crush or jumping off a cliff into water.
The [action inhibitor] works in ~mysterious ways~. Usually, you won't know exactly why you don't want to do something, but you sure as hell know you don't. Usually, though, the reason comes down to one thing: fear. In the crush scenario, for example, you might be scared of rejection. In the cliff diving example, you might be scared you'll die or get seriously injured. Both of these are valid concerns! From the perspective of the [action inhibitor], you've just saved yourself from some major issues. But, what if your [action inhibitor] is preventing you from doing things you want to do? What if it stops you from dancing in public? Or meeting new friends?
It seems like the [action inhibitor] has the opposite problem the [idea generator] has. It's often far too strong when we'd prefer it to be weaker. Namely, I want it to prevent me from doing seriously dangerous shit and committing horrible crimes, but I don't want it to stop me from enjoying or improving my life. Like, dude, just let me dance in peace, this is not life or death!
In this sense, the [action inhibitor] is more like a kind of filter. It filters out actions based on some criteria we don't really get to choose. In this sense, though, I'm not actually sure this one's so easy to solve. When you're a kid, you've actually got a lot of weird restrictions and expectations placed on you, with their importances often being artificially inflated by those taking power over you. Your parents will tell you you need good grades. Your teachers will demand you refer to them as "Mr." and "Mrs.". Your peers (as a whole), even, will pressure you into doing things or not doing certain other things. Your [action inhibitor] tends to get tuned to the wrong things very early on.
So, what the hell do you do, then? I think the best thing to do is just do more shit the [action inhibitor] tries to get you not> to do. This is a way of calibrating it. If you do something like talking to your crush or jumping off a cliff and you turn out alright in the end, I think you'll typically find your [action inhibitor] gets adjusted, often without your noticing. The more you do this, the less strict your filter becomes. In theory, it'll start letting unrelated things through. I think this is one of the strengths of doing adrenaline-focused things like rafting and maybe even rollercoasters. They might have social or other life benefits, which isn't actually intuitive or often talked about.
I admit, this is a pretty great simplification. If 'just do more things you don't want to do' were easy, we wouldn't see so many people with anxiety. The reality is, a lot of us have a very strict [action inhibitor], and that produces undesired side effects in our behaviors. I still think your [action inhibitor] is at its weakest when you're young. It's probably easier to keep doing things near the edge of your [action inhibitor]'s' filters to keep it as open as it is, rather than doing things beyond what it typically restricts in hopes of making it less restrictive. Honestly, I don't really know, and this is something I still struggle with. It's really just easier to come up with an idea to do something than it is to stop yourself from doing it.
A lot of this is also related to agency. It's hard to be more agentic if you have trouble coming up with exciting ideas to do, and even harder if you have a little voice in your head telling you not to do those things.
Well, this post has basically gone way off the rails. I think the takeaway is basically: "Do more shit. But also, don't do less shit."