Why do toilet paper rolls have them big holes in 'em?

November 11, 2024

Have you ever looked at a roll of toilet paper and wondered "why the hole so big"? No? Well, that makes sense. Seems like a thing most reasonable people would completely ignore and move on with their lives. But not me! See, I just keep thinking about that damn hole. Wouldn't it be more efficient to fill the hole in so you could cram more overall toilet paper in when shipping? What's going on here, and is there some conspiracy I can be outraged about!? Let's find out.

Commercial toilet paper rolls

You see, the hole isn't always there. Or, at least it's not always so damn big. In the commercial world, there's such a thing as "compact" toilet paper rolls. They come with a very small hole in the middle, just big enough so you can still have it rotate about a stick and dispense paper. Here's an image:

Look how small that hole is! Lots of brands sell these types of rolls, but they're always specifically for commercial use. Why isn't there a consumer option? Like, what I want is a smaller width toilet paper roll with this small of a hole. I don't feel that strongly about this, but it's clear that this would be more efficient from a shipping space perspective. For reference, here's another commercial toilet paper role with a ridiculously large hole:

Seriously, why the hell is the hole that big? Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of toilet paper in a roll like this, but clearly we could fit more. Is there some unknown commercial benefit to having a hole this big? We may never know.

Why the cardboard?

So, if we have to have the hole, why does the roll need to have cardboard in there instead of just leaving it empty? Looks like I'm not the only one who's asked this question. Emily Flitter of the NYTimes seems to have lost her favorite no-cardboard roll, with Scott, the company who used to provide it, saying it just wasn't worth the effort. Because the cardboard is missing, the roll isn't as structurally sound. To get the roll working fine with no cardboard, special construction was required. Ok, fine, checks out.

Why is the hole so big?

Basically, we have the hole because we want to be able to put the toilet paper roll on a holder and be able to continuously grab from it. The alternative is just having the roll out and grabbing the toilet paper you need (which also seems fine, honestly). I totally get that. But, couldn't we accomplish this with a much smaller hole?

At this point, we're kind of screwed. We have these huge holders in pretty much every American household, so even if companies did come out with a consumer option for compact rolls, nobody would really be able to buy it. They won't be compatible with their toilet paper rolls. I think this is probably just how the toilet paper companies want things. To reference the NYTimes article again, consumers don't usually care this much. They basically look for whichever roll is physically the largest/widest. Putting a big empty hole in the middle is a great way to beef up that metric without actually providing any more paper.

Ply

While I'm on the toilet paper topic. Let's talk ply. These days, every consumer toilet paper you buy advertises themselves as fifteen quadrillion ply ultra soft maximum luxury wipes (for your literal ass, remember). But, like, does anyone actually want any of that shit? I understand it's more absorbent, and that's likely something women would be more appreciative of. But at the same time, what's wrong with just using single ply, grabbing more when you need it and just folding it? Make your own plies!

My theory here, once again, is that multiple plies allow toilet paper companies to enthicken their rolls. Each layer becomes much thicker and can no longer be wound nearly as tight. On top of that, each time you grab a square, you're really grabbing 2 or even 3 squares. You're going to go through it so much faster, and you'll need to buy more often. So, basically, just another way toilet paper companies try to make more money from you. In my experience, the "softer" a roll of toilet paper, the worse it tends to be for actually wiping your ass. They constantly break and pill, and no two brands are similar. At least 1 ply is consistent. I don't need softness, I just want it to work well and not break. One ply is typically better for your plumbing system, too, as more plies = more paper, which means a higher likelihood of clogging.

Compare this to commercial toilet papers. They might have more than one ply, but they're always super tightly packed. My hunch is that this is because businesses actually closely track their spending on toilet paper, and they use a lot, so how efficient the toilet paper they buy is actually kind of important. This is probably a topic for a later blog post, but consumer goods are just generally not optimized for maximum efficiency or goodness. How much you spend on a product has basically no bearing on how good the product will be. Spending more usually gives you a better or longer-lasting product, but certainly not always.

Yeah, this is basically just a post of me complaining about toilet paper. I don't actually care that much about this, but it's just annoying that I know I'm getting at least a little grifted when buying toilet paper, and staring into the gaping maw of a toilet paper hole provides a reminder each time I rest my cheeks on that porcelain throne.